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As the editor of the internet's most accurate and successful Lord Of The Rings movie news site, I receive a great many emails. Some of the more interesting and intelligent ones will appear here along with my comments or answers...
From: Andrew Cresh
Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 16:33:55 EST
Subject: Your Lord of the Rings Character info is wrong
After one of my relations
started to read the Lord of the Rings books, she began to get confused with who
was who, so she looked for a character guide. When she had printed it out she
had given it to me to look at. In doing so I noticed that the entire thing is
wrong. I know this because I have read all the books and seen the movies several
times, so I'm am very, very shore of these mistakes. Then when I saw that it was
written by an award winning journalist, and I know he obviously has never read
the books or seen the movies. Some of the descriptions are not even close to
what they should be and the spelling is appalling! So I am suggesting that you
fix this matter. Also why is there a picture of some old man in the Aragorn
description?!
Thank you
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 2004 17:09:52 -0800 (PST)
From: Jay Smith
Subject: hello, a few corrections on your site
Hello, i am a lord of the rings fan, not so big of one, but i like lord of
the rings, and i have read something on your site that were wrong lol
"received a package today containing the new Arwen action figure. This is Arwen
as she appears at the Battle of Holmes' Deep in the next episode, "The Twin
Towers". Even before I opened the box I was amazed by the care which has been
lavished on a simple toy; the workmanship is absolutely breathtaking. Just take
a long look at this incredible picture..." first of all its not holmes' deep,
its "helmes deep" and its not "the twin towers" its the two towers. lol and
arwen never fought int he battle of helmes deep and she wouldnt look like a
barbie doll....
From: "Misty R. Griffith"
Subject: i need some info.
Date: Tue, 22 Jan 2002 11:25:17 -0600
I was just curious, are they still filming? will they need any extra's, or are
they holding any auditions? if so, where? My name is Misty please return my
request.
Jimcalagon writes
Yes Misty, they are still filming in New Zealand. Due to the number of extras they need, they now have a special auditions manager at the airport waiting for extras to arrive from abroad. Simply fly in to Wellington airport, in costume, and then, after passing through customs into international arrivals, start your audition. The auditions manager will then spot you and tell you there and then whether they want you or not. Good Luck!!!
From : Chris Leonard
Subject : Wow, are you full of it!
Date : Sat, 27 Oct 2001 01:19:15 -0700
John Horde's summary of "Return of the King" is so far off base, either he's
an idiot for writing it and you're one for posting it, or Peter Jackson is
for making stupid changes to the plot of the book. To wit:
It's Minas Tirith, not Minast Irith.
It's Gondor, not Gondar.
It's Pippin, not Poppin.
As someone pointed out on your letters page, Denethor isn't a king, he's the
Steward of Gondor.
He doesn't keep PIPPIN as a slave, the hobbit offers himself as a knight to
Denethor of his own free will.
Denethor's son is Faramir. Eomer is the nephew of Theoden, king of Rohan.
Denethor doesn't fall into the pyre, he chooses to leap into it, saying he
will choose his own end.
It's orcs, not orks.
There is no dragon, there is the Chief Nazgul, aka the Witch King of Angmar,
mounted on a hideous flying creature, who is killed not by any 'young girl'
but by Eowyn, Theoden's niece and Eomer's sister, who has come to war in
disguise to fight with Theoden, not to sneak up on the Witch King--and she
doesn't borrow a sword from a hobbit, she strikes the first blow with her
own sword and Merry the hobbit follows it up with his sword. The Witch King
could not be killed by 'any man' but a woman and hobbit did him in.
Aragorn never proclaims himself king of Gondor, in fact he hesitates to even
enter the city. He is later crowned by Gandalf after being popularly
acclaimed as king. He is NEVER king of Rohan--Eomer becomes king after
Theoden (and Eowyn marries Faramir, who remains Steward.)
It's Mordor, not Mordar. The army goes there not expecting to defeat Sauron
but as a feint to distract him from the fact that Frodo is in Mordor to
destroy the Ring at Mount Doom.
Sam is not Frodo's SLAVE but his gardener and his friend. (what is this
obsession with enslaved hobbits? Is Horde queer for short people?)
Frodo doesn't drop the Ring--Sam takes it so the Enemy doesn't get it, and
intends to carry it to Mount Doom himself, until he realizes Frodo isn't
dead but only stunned by the great spider Shelob.
He doesn't kill any orcs to rescue Frodo--they all kill each other off.
Gollum is not a 'giant talking frog' (Jesus Jumping Christ, where does he
get this s**t?)--he's a very ancient hobbit.
Talk about missing the whole f**king POINT of the book, Frodo doesn't put
the Ring on 'to disappear'--he refuses to destroy it ("I do not choose to do
this deed, the Ring is MINE!") and when Gollum tries to get the Ring, he
bites Frodo's finger off and falls into the fire with it, destroying the
Ring and Sauron along with it. Frodo FAILS but the quest succeeds.
The ships of the Corsairs of Umbar are not manned by the dead. The dead
helped Aragorn commandeer the ships, then, having fulfilled their long-ago
oath, departed to rest in peace.
"Friendly eagles" sounds a bit Disneyesque for the magnificent Gwaihir the
Windlord who arrives with Gandalf on his back!
Arwen is only part Elven, as the daughter of Elrond who is half-elven.
Lotho wasn't the king--he was Frodo's cousin who took over as boss of the
Shire. SARUMAN not Saraman doesn't escape from talking trees but from ENTS
who are tree-herds. Saruman isn't in a palace, he's in Frodo's old home/hole
at Bag End, and Wormtongue (a man, not an orc) doesn't kill Saruman in the
confusion, he does it deliberately after Saruman tells the hobbits he ate
Lotho.
Talk about utter sacrilege--Bilbo is not mad, and Frodo is not rewarded for
his heroism but allowed (like Bilbo) to go into the elvenhome in the West
because he was a ringbearer; he goes because his heart has been broken by
the discovery that without Gollum the quest would have failed ("I am
wounded, I will never really heal.") He doesn't go on a visit, but
permanently, with the bearers of the 3 elven Great Rings: Galadriel, Elrond,
and Gandalf.
Your site is full of s**t, you are full of s**t, you know NOTHING about
Tolkein and have no respect for the work or the fans. Your name ought to be
A*sf**kedbyadragon the S**tbrained.
Chris in California (Tolkien scholar AND professional proofreader)
Jimcalagon writes...
Oh dear, Chris, you do seem to be awfully upset. I can't comment on your skills as a
Tolkien scholar but I have to say that your skills as a proofreader leave something
to be desired. To wit:
It's Minas Tirith, not Minast Irith.
The place names quoted should be in quotes. The same also applies to the next couple of lines about
"Gondar" and "Poppin"
He doesn't keep PIPPIN as a slave, the hobbit offers himself as a knight to Denethor of his own free will.
"PIPPIN" doesn't need to be all capitalised. The comma should be a colon or full stop.
Denethor doesn't fall into the pyre, he chooses to leap into it, saying he
will choose his own end.
Again, the first comma should be a colon or full stop.
There is no dragon, there is the Chief Nazgul, aka the Witch King of Angmar, mounted on a hideous flying creature, who is killed not by any 'young girl' but by Eowyn, Theoden's niece and Eomer's sister, who has come to war in disguise to fight with Theoden, not to sneak up on the Witch King--and she doesn't borrow a sword from a hobbit, she strikes the first blow with her own sword and Merry the hobbit follows it up with his sword.
Now this sentence is really bad. Again, the first comma should be a semicolon. The comma
between "creature" and "who" should not be there at all. The acronym "aka" is unpunctuated: it should be "A.K.A.". You have inserted two hyphens at one point. The whole sentence is disjointed and difficult to read. I would suggest that it should have been broken down into a number of smaller sentences.
Oh and Merry struck the first blow, into the sinews behind the Witch-King's knee. Then
Eowyn struck him.
Aragorn never proclaims himself king of Gondor, in fact he hesitates to even enter the city. He is later crowned by Gandalf after being popularly acclaimed as king. He is NEVER king of Rohan--Eomer becomes king after Theoden (and Eowyn marries Faramir, who remains Steward.)
This one isn't too bad. You've used two hyphens again in place of a semicolon though. Oh, and Eomer is no longer steward, the post was redundant when Aragorn took up the Kingship. He was rewarded with the title "Prince of Ithilien".
It's Mordor, not Mordar.
Again, the place names really should be in quotes.
Frodo doesn't drop the Ring--Sam takes it so the Enemy doesn't get it, and
intends to carry it to Mount Doom himself, until he realizes Frodo isn't
dead but only stunned by the great spider Shelob.
This one has the two hyphens again. It also has a comma followed by "and" which is incorrect; you should never follow a comma with a conjunction. The comma before "until" should not be there. The word "spider" should be followed by a comma.
He doesn't kill any orcs to rescue Frodo--they all kill each other off.
This one has two hyphens together as well. In addition, the orcs didn't all kill each other; you may recall that there were some left alive in the upper rooms of the tower.
Gollum is not a 'giant talking frog' (Jesus Jumping Christ, where does he get this s**t?)--he's a very ancient hobbit.
The double hyphen surfaces in this sentence as well. I have taken the liberty of obscuring the more vulgar parts of your message (which gradually increase in frequency towards the end) as this is a family site.
Talk about missing the whole f**king POINT of the book, Frodo doesn't put the Ring on 'to disappear'--he refuses to destroy it ("I do not choose to do this deed, the Ring is MINE!") and when Gollum tries to get the Ring, he
bites Frodo's finger off and falls into the fire with it, destroying the Ring and Sauron along with it.
Again, you have used a double hyphen where a semicolon, colon or full stop would have been appropriate.
"Friendly eagles" sounds a bit Disneyesque for the magnificent Gwaihir the
Windlord who arrives with Gandalf on his back!
So there is nothing really wrong with this, you just don't like the sound of it? Oh well...
Arwen is only part Elven, as the daughter of Elrond who is half-elven.
This should read, "Arwen is only part Elven, as she is the daughter of Elrond who is half-elven." Also, Elrond (although he is called "Half-Elven") is not half-elven. He has a Maia for an ancestor.
Lotho wasn't the king--he was Frodo's cousin who took over as boss of the Shire. SARUMAN not Saraman doesn't escape from talking trees but from ENTS who are tree-herds. Saruman isn't in a palace, he's in Frodo's old home/hole at Bag End, and Wormtongue (a man, not an orc) doesn't kill Saruman in the confusion, he does it deliberately after Saruman tells the hobbits he ate Lotho.
Well we have the return of the double hyphen here. The, "not Saraman", should be in parentheses. This phrase, "...after Saruman tells the hobbits he ate Lotho", should read, "...after Saruman tells the hobbits that he ate Lotho."
Talk about utter sacrilege--Bilbo is not mad...
Do I need to mention the double hyphen again?
...he goes because his heart has been broken by the discovery that without Gollum the quest would have failed...
Really? I thought it was because he was suffering from the after effects of the Morgul-Knife wound he suffered at the hands of the Witch-King in the dell at the foot of Weathertop and was also suffering from the actual loss of the Ring. Well, you are a "Tolkien Scholar" so you must be right.
Your site is full of s**t, you are full of s**t, you know NOTHING about Tolkein and have no respect for the work or the fans. Your name ought to be A*sf**kedbyadragon the S**tbrained.
Again, I have had to obscure some of the more... earthy... parts of your email, as this is a family site. You are of the opinion that I know nothing about "Tolkein" as you call him. This may be the case but I do know how to spell "Tolkien".
I thank you Chris for the points you made about John Horde's synopsis. If John has time I shall ask him to include them in any revisions he makes to it. Thank you for the pointers and if you would like me to return the favour and give you some pointers on your profession, proofreading, or grammar or punctuation, please let me know and I shall be happy to give you a hand.
Jimcalagon.
From: Sauron82
Sent: Friday, October 19, 2001 12:56 AM
Subject: Your LOTR site.
I don't mean to be an asshole, but whoever wrote the "Handy Guide to
people and places in LOTR" is an idiot and obviously knows nothing about the books.
I suggest you remove it from your page before it makes you look bad.
For example, Galadriel did not have a sister. Denethor was not a king, he
was the Steward of Gondor. Arwen was not a fairy, she was the daughter of
Elrond. Boromir was not an outcast; he went in search of help for Gondor.
There's nobody in the books called Elandil; Elendil the Tall was Aragorn's
ancestor, not his grandfather.
Just a few little things, among many, wrong with the list.
Sauron82
Thanks for your incisive and well made comments. I am aware that the odd inaccuracy may have
crept in to John Horde's articles but he is a highly qualified journalist and obviously is
meticulous in his research. I find it hard to believe he could be so mistaken. If, however,
you wish to send me a corrected list I will certainly consider it for publication.
Thanks, Jimcalagon
From: PA Schultz
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2001 5:30 PM
Subject: Martin Morales
Martin does not have the encyclopedic memory that you might think. He is entirely wrong
concerning his article on the pipes of the Shire-folk. He ignorantly states that clay pipes
were an Elizabethan invention, which is correct, but he goes on to state that the stone age
civilizations used wood pipes to smoke tobacco. Any decent student of history will quickly
point out that tobacco was discovered in the new world-- that means after 1492. Pipe smoking
in general did not take up until the late 16th century. Therefore, Morales' ignorant
statement can be entirely dismissed-- There was no tobacco to smoke in the stone age-- for
anyone.
Contact me if you want intelligent and researched comments on the Lord of the Rings --
Morales' ignorance just doesn't cut it.
P.A.,
You make some well reasoned points, however, I would like to mention that there was
tobacco in the stone age. It was confined to the Americas, true, but peoples with a
stone-age technology (which includes the North American Indians) did smoke tobacco with pipes.
I think that was Martin's point. Sorry, but he still reigns supreme among Tolkien Scholars.
Thanks for your interest, Jimcalagon
From : Allan L. Tribandis
Date : 5th July 2001
Subject: stop the stupid Tolkien/LotR jokes please
Your jokes are very stupid. Play with your Barney and troll dolls on your own
time.
Thanks
Allan,
Thank you for your interest in my site! Firstly, may I say I don't make jokes, as a rule. Secondly, I don't
know what you mean when you refer to 'Barney' and I have never included a troll anywhere on my site (except
possibly the messageboard). Thirdly, I do all of this in my own time - or did you think I got paid for it?
Lastly, I'm glad you enjoy the site but perhaps you would like this one better -
http://www.IHaveNoSenseOfHumour.com
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