I've had a special report from super spy Rannalek. The news seems to be quite bad but it would appear to be pretty cut and dried. Ah well... Over to Rannalek.
Hello, everyone. I've been going back and doing some research on the various announcements and rumours since the production was announced. Based on these I can give you some very bad news. All the scenes in Gondor have been cut. That's right, no Minas Tirith, no Pelennor fields, nothing. The army of Rohan, led by Arwen (Liz Taylor) are going to ride straight to the Morannon and meet with Aragorn's (Morten Market) ships.
The evidence? Well, it is obvious for someone as skilled in interpreting the signs as I; Denethor hasn't been cast - so he is obviously out - and the Mouth Of Sauron (Bruce Willis) has been cast. The only way this makes sense is to leave out Gondor. And this also means that PJ is only making two movies - there isn't enough story left to fill out the third film.
This is the final straw! Peter Jackson has gone too far this time. The movies will be an utter disgrace, a travesty of the moviemaker's "art" and I can now definitively state that they will SUUUUUCK!!!!! Peter Jackson, why don't you just spit on TOLKIEN's grave and be done with it. How can anyone who calls themselves "True TOLKIEN Fans" sleep at night knowing that this perversion and rape of the greatest work of literature the world has ever seen or will ever see is being perpetrated right NOW!?!?!!?!? Peter Jackson is inherently evil as is anyone who agrees with his depraved movie being allowed to continue!!!!! Didn't the great TOLKIEN himself say, "Let not these words be added to or taken from"?? I quite liked Bakshi's version though.
How much more of this bad news can we take? I think though we will all give a big vote of thanks to Rannalek for his incisive reading of events, impeccable logic and reasoned tone.