A GEEK IN MINAS TIRITH

Ya know... I been lookin... forward... to the LORD OF THE RINGS movies for... well... kinda always, it seems. Like any kid who is also a... geek... I kinda grew up on the book and...well... like lost myself in the... stories. Well...anyway... to kinda get to the... point... like I'm getting off the airplane in beeyootifull New Zealand after 22 butt numbing hours on root from Texas... there's plants and other... cool stuff here and then I see one of PJ's... production staff has arrived to... meet... me.

Then I get in a... dinky little New Zealand taxi... to the Hotel... The food is great but the... portions are... a little on the... small... side. So after three main courses... and some dessert...I'm ready to make the... trip to... MIDDLE EARTH!
Christ, I'm so frickin' excited... I can't wait to see the soaring towers of Minas Tirith, the Glittering Caves of Aglarond, the Elven feasts... Ah the... feasting of the Elves is the stuff... of legend... on the way to the set we call in at a McDonald's... and I'm like "WOW you have McDonalds?!?!?!"... anyway after filling up the corners... as Hobbits say... we set off down the freeway to the set and I'm like..."WOW you have freeways?!!?"
Anyway we arrive on the set... and there is Elijah... who comes over to say hi... and stuff... and he mentions that the last time he... saw me was at a barbyqueue... and I'm thinking back to the spiced ribs... bowls of chilli... chilli dogs... Ah, fond memories! So I ask Elijah where the... catering truck is and he says... over yonder... on the way I pass some great sets with... all sorta... castles and... gates and stuff and the round a corner I spy... the caterers! Now, I don't know if you know but there was some...trouble with one of the... cooks sending... reports about filming to one of the... websites, but that's all... kinda fixed now. Anyway the catering truck has some neat food but... well I don't know... there was one frickin' hell of a lot of sardines on there... when I ask why, I'm told..."Peter likes them"...
Well, sardines aside... the food is kinda nice but the portions are... muy pequeño... but... ya know... ya can't have everything... Anyway one of the... crew comes over and says... "Peter wants to say hi"... so I finish off and we... walk over to where he's... sitting and stuff and he... turns round and says... "Who the hell is this fat freak?"... Pete's like that... always joking... so I say "Hi Pete, like it's... good to finally... meet... you... in the flesh... so to speak."
Anyway, introductions over... Peter shows me around the set and there's all sorts of like... extras... in neato... well I guess you'd call it armor but I'm so... freaked out by this point that I start feeling giddy. Peter asks if i'm... OK... and asks whether I need... something to eat... well I haven't eaten for 22 minutes so I say... "Hell Yes!". So Peter sends over to the truck for some... food... but all that comes back is... sardines... but what the hey... beggars can't be... anyway we come across a bank of 4 or 5 TV's and computer monitors and I'm like..."WOW you have computers?" and stuff and then some old... guy... with a beard and a hat... comes over and says... "HI" and STUFF... and anyways... It's Ian McShane as Gandalf and I can't... hardly... recognize... him... I'm so fricking excited... so Peter suggests that maybe... the flight has been... tooooo... tiring and maybe I should... get some... rest and stuff...
So I get in the car and I'm like... "WOW you have cars?!?!" and they... take... me back to the... hotel... where I get a meal before typing... up this... report but the "." key seems to keep... sticking... and then I get in bed and I'm like... "WOW, You have beds?!??!??"