MARTIN MORALES SPEAKS!
A few months ago Peter Jackson stunned the world of Tolkien fandom by unveiling his, frankly pathetic, costumes for the soldiers of Gondor. Flying in the face of every word that Professor Tolkien ever wrote on the subject, Jackson saw fit to dress his warriors in the most unlikely of garb - plate armor! As any reasonable Tolkien fan knows, Tolkien despised plate armour, deliberately describing every being in Middle-Earth as wearing mail, usually chain-mail but sometimes scale-mail.

The Last Stand - according to Jackson(!)

Some misguided fools have tried to argue with me (ME!) by quoting the passage in which Imrahil holds a "vambrace" against Eowyn's mouth to see whether she is breathing or not. Believe it or not, they actually tried to state this as some kind of proof that there was plate armour in Tolkien's world. I quickly dismissed this silly notion for the rubbish that it plainly was. And here's why...

• A vambrace is specifically designed to be worn with MAIL
• Imrahil's vambrace was made of leather or wood, there is no way that it was metal
• Tolkien never mentioned plate armour

A close-up of the ludicrous design.

I contacted Peter Jackson with my complaints and, after a dialog with him, he agreed that his design was not at all in keeping with the works of Tolkien. If I may quote from his email,

Obviously, Martin, I should have consulted you first. The idiots that I hired to design this particular item of costuming have been fired. At this point may I ask a personal favor of you? It is plain that I can't trust anyone else to advise me on the details of Middle-Earth armor; would you send me a detailed design to show my armorers exactly what the Gondoreans should look like?

Well,of course I had to come to the rescue. I submitted detailed drawings to show the costume designers what the Gondoreans should be dressed in. Winged helmets, scale mail and leather vambraces. And here is the exclusive first look at Peter Jackson's revised designs for the legions of Gondor!

Gondoreans as they should be - Much better!

As you can see, these soldiers look like real soldiers, not the typical fantasy stereotypes we saw before. The whole outfit is much more authentic and is a completely accurate reflection of the image that Tolkien had in his mind when he wrote the books. Tolkien fans around the world can breathe a sigh of relief, I have saved the day again with my fantastic and encyclopedic knowledge of the writings and thought processes of J.R.R. Tolkien.

A close look at the more faithful attire

At last Peter Jackson seems to be approaching the fidelity to the text that Raoul Bukshi's animation displayed. Bukshi absolutely nailed the image of the soldiery of Gondor in the shape of Boromir. Jackson, in taking a leaf out of Bukshi's design book, will please all Tolkien fans.

The bottom line is - if it hasn't got my name on it, ignore it because it ain't Tolkien.

MARTIN MORALES HAS SPOKEN!